Stay where you are

Take your Bibles with me and turn to 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians 7.

Last week, we looked at verses 1-6 where Paul was starting to answer questions about marriage. There was some great teaching there about God's plan for the marriage relationship.

But apparently, that wasn't the only question.

I mentioned last week this book "Dr. Rice, Here Are More Questions" - where people wrote to John R. Rice, the evangelist and founder of the Sword of the Lord, and he wrote back to them with answers. I have found this book to be very helpful to me, and I really appreciate the moderate tone Dr. Rice took on many matters.

But even in this book, a huge amount of the questions are questions about marriage, divorce and the home.

Apparently, Paul was getting the same kinds of questions. People were getting saved out of this pagan, over-sexualized society and they were bringing all kinds of messes into the church - and they had all kinds of questions they had sent to Paul.

The first questions we dealt last week were about the physical relationship in marriage. But it seems like the second questions they had were about whether they should stay married.

You had these people who came to Christ and they came out of these pagan situations, and they wanted to know "should I divorce my unsaved husband?" "Should I become celibate?" "Should I find a christian husband or wife?" Lots of questions... Paul deals with those questions here.

Let's go ahead and read starting in verse 6 and read down through verse 24.

[!bible] (6) But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. (7) For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. (8) I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (9) But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (10) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: (11) But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (12) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. (13) And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (15) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (16) For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? (17) But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. (18) Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. (19) Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. (20) Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. (21) Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. (22) For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. (23) Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. (24) Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.
— 1 Corinthians 7:6-24 (KJV)

The first verse there confuses some people. When Paul said "I speak this by permission, and not commandment" what I believe he was referencing was the verses that come immediately before it.

Remember, there were people in this church who thought it would be more holy if they didn't touch their wives or their husbands. And after Paul told them how wrong that was, he said "If you must stay away from each other, you do it for a short period of time and you both have to be on board with it."

Then he said "I speak this by permission, not by commandment." So I think verse 6 is him saying "I'm not commanding you to do this, I'm just telling you that you can if you absolutely must."

Then Paul starts this lenghty section about what to do in various situations.

• What should single people do?
• What should married people do?
• What should divorced people do?
• What about the people who are married and get saved, but their spouse doesn't follow Christ?

Lots of scenarios. Lots of questions.

And I believe what Paul does in this chapter is give us a principle and everything else works out from that principle. The principle is in verse 17:

[!bible] (17) But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.
— 1 Corinthians 7:17 (KJV)

Put in modern language, Paul is saying "In whatever situation you were in when you got saved, stay there if you can."

Look at verse 24:

[!bible] (24) Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.
— 1 Corinthians 7:24 (KJV)

Paul is saying, in whatever situation you find yourself in when you get saved, just stay there and worship God there.

So that is the overarching principle. Stay where you are.

I believe that verses 6-16 are mostly Paul applying this principle to their questions of marriage.

Paul is saying,

• if you get saved, and you are single, then stay single. (verse 7-8)
• if you get saved, and you are married, then stay marriage (verses 10-16)

Then Paul applies it to other areas:

• If you get saved, and you are an uncircumcised gentile, stay an uncircumcised gentile. (verse 18)
• If you get saved, and you are someone's servant, than be their faithful servant. (verses 22-23)

So the overarching theme here is what Paul says in verse 20:

[!bible] (20) Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.
— 1 Corinthians 7:20 (KJV)

Just stay where God put you. Stay in the calling where you were called. Whatever life situation you were in when God saved you - don't try to change that. Just stay put. Bloom where you are planted.

That is the general principle, the general advice that Paul gives to these Christians. But in applying that principle, Paul also deals with some exceptions and so what I want to do today is to look at three scenarios:

• What should single people do?
• What should married people do?
• What should people do when they are married to non-Christians?

Let's start with the first scenario:

1. What should single people do?

Look again at verses 7-9:

[!bible] (7) For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. (8) I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. (9) But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
— 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (KJV)

So remember the overriding principle: bloom where you are planted. Whatever state you are in, the best thing is probably to stay in that state after you trust Christ.

And the first state Paul applies that to is the state of singleness. Paul is saying here that if you are single and you can stay single, than you should stay single.

I believe strongly that Paul was married. In jewish culture, they believed that everyone had to get married. In fact, if you were unmarried, they treated you as a sinner. They took the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing very seriously.

Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin and to be a member of the Sanhedrin, you had to be married. So what happened to Mrs. Paul? Well, she either died or she left him. But either way, it probably happened before he started his ministry and Paul just stayed single and his word for people is, if you can, if you have been given the gift, then stay single.

Singleness can be a gift. God gives some people the gift of being single and being ok with it. We shouldn't try to play match maker with every adult who is still single. If they are single and ok with being single, let them stay single. That's what Paul is saying here.

Apparently, some people have the gift of singleness, and those people, free from marital and familial responsibilities, can do a lot for God. Other people have the gift of marriage.

Paul puts it this way in verse 7:

[!bible] (7) For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
— 1 Corinthians 7:7 (KJV)

Marriage is a gift. Singleness is a gift. Whatever gift God has given you, accept that gift.

Of course, not everyone who is single has the gift of singleness. Some people are single and desperately want to be married and Paul says those people should get married. It's better to marry than to burn with passion. Just get married.

So Paul's advice here seems to be: if you are single and can stay single, than stay single. If you are single and want to get married, than get married.

It's not earth shattering advice. But this is what Paul tells us here.

Now, I want to give some pastoral advice here that isn't in the text, but is related.

If you are a person who wants to get married. What should you do? Let's say you are a teenager and you dream of getting married some day (as most of you probably do.) What would God have you to do?

I would say the best thing you could do is to work on being the best catch you can possibly be. If you are praying for Mrs. Right. You work on becoming Mr. Right. If you are wanting to get married someday, you'll need to provide for your family, so work on learning skills that can provide for your family. Work on being a well-balanced person.

Ladies, if you want to marry Mr. Right, then work on becoming Mrs. Right. Learn from some of the older ladies in the church what it means to be a godly wife.

You will likely never have more time to work on things than you do right now. So work on those things.

And let me say one more thing - please be a godly Christian. Stay in church. Pray that God will send you a godly Christian husband or wife and if that is God's gift for you, He will.

Don't go out into the world or onto the internet and marry a non-Christian. We'll get to that in a minute. But it is a terrible idea.

So that is the advice Paul gives for single people. Let's move onto the second question:

2. What should married people do?

Remember are overarching principle: Whatever state you were in when you got saved, stay there if you can. Well, that extends to marriage.

Look at verses 10-11:

[!bible] (10) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: (11) But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
— 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (KJV)

Paul wants to be clear here. This isn't just what he has commanded. This is what the LORD commands. Jesus spoke about marriage several times and every time commanded for people to stay with their spouse and not divorce their spouse.

That is the best. That is what we are after. What God has joined together, let no man put assunder. Divorce is a bad deal and should be avoided if at all possible.

But what if there are problems in the marriage? Well, Paul's first advice here is separation with the hope of reconciliation. Sometimes, the best thing for a marriage is a temporary separation.

But a Christian should not divorce their spouse except under very specific conditions. What are those conditions?

Jesus said in Matthew 19:19

[!bible] (9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
— Matthew 19:9 (KJV)

The word "fornication" there is the Greek word porneia. It is a word for sexual sins. When a man or woman goes into gross sexual sins, be it adultery or fornication, then divorce is permissible, but it never required.

What is best is reconciliation. God wants married people to stay married.

Now, imagine this, what do you do in Bible times when you had polygamous marriages? You had Leverite marriage? You had people coming to Christ from all kinds of different situations we wouldn't even recognize today.

These same kinds of questions missionaries have to deal with. I know missionaries who have ministered in places and you have men coming to Christ that have three wives. What do you do?

This is why Paul's overarching principle is so important - whatever state you are in, try to stay there.

And that brings us to the last question Paul deals with about marriage - and it may be one of the most important ones we are still dealing with today...

3. What should people do who are married to non-Christians?

Here is the scenario: A grown man comes to Christ and his wife is not a Christian. He shares the gospel with her and she doesn't trust Christ.

Or a married woman comes to Christ and her husband does not.

Apparently, there were people in the church of Corinth who were advocating ending these marriages.

And again, we can apply the overarching principle: wherever we are when we come to Christ, we should try to stay there.

Look at verses 12-14:

[!bible] (12) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. (13) And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
— 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (KJV)

Paul is making it clear that this is his command and that Jesus didn't speak to this. If you are married to an unbeliever, you should try to stay with them if at all possible.

Christian husbands shouldn't leave their wives for religious reasons, and Christian wives shouldn't leave their husbands for religious reasons.

God often uses a Christian spouse to change an unchristian spouse. Sometimes, the spouse even comes to Christ. So the Christian needs to remain in the marriage if at all possible.

What if we just annulled marriages when people get saved. That seems to be an idea that some of the Corinthians have, and when Paul said "else were the children unclean" he was saying "if we just annul your marriages, what about your children, are they illegitimate now?"

Paul is saying that when a Christian is married to a non-Christian, there is a sanctifying influence that the Christian has on the home. This doesn't mean the unbelieving spouse gets saved automatically - Paul isn't talking about salvation here. But there is a holy influence, a godly influence that affects the whole household.

The children are considered "holy" - not because they're automatically saved, but because they're in a home where at least one parent knows and serves God. There's a covenant blessing, a spiritual influence that covers the family.

So Paul's counsel is clear: if you're married to an unbeliever, stay married if you can. Don't leave for religious reasons. Be the godly influence God wants you to be in that home.

But then Paul gives us an important exception in verse 15:

[!bible] (15) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
— 1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)

Notice Paul doesn't say "fight to keep them" or "beg them to stay." He says if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave because of your faith, let them go. You're not in bondage to that marriage anymore. God has called us to peace, not to constant conflict and turmoil.

And so if someone came to me who had gotten saved, and their husband wasn't in church and wanted to leave them - I would say "let them go, you are free from that marriage." That is what the Bible teaches.

Let me wrap this up by saying that I believe we should have high ideals for marriage, but that we also need to make concessions for human sinfulness.

That is how I believe the Bible addresses it. God gives us a very high ideal, but then God recognizes that men's hearts are hard, and people are sinful, and sometimes people do hurtful things and marriages are broken. That is a tragedy.

Sometimes, well meaning Christians can take God's ideals and bludgeon people with them. Treating every divorce or person who finds themselves married to an unbeliever like they are lifelong failures.

But that isn't how God approaches these situations in scripture. God wants us to try to make it work, but also God doesn't want us to live in a constant war zone.

Conclusion

So what's the big takeaway from all of this? It's Paul's principle that we started with: "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called." Bloom where you are planted.

Whatever situation you find yourself in when God saves you - single, married, married to an unbeliever - God's first word to you isn't "change everything." God's first word is "stay put and let me work through you right where you are."

Are you single? Don't panic about finding someone. Work on becoming the person God wants you to be. If God gives you the gift of singleness, embrace it. If He gives you the gift of marriage, embrace that too.

Are you married to a believer? Stay married. Work through your problems. Don't give up easily on what God has joined together.

Are you married to someone who doesn't know Christ? Don't run away for religious reasons. Be the godly influence in that home. Let your light shine. Maybe God will use you to win your spouse. But if they want to leave because of your faith, let them go in peace.

The Christian life isn't about having a perfect situation. It's about serving God faithfully in whatever situation He's placed you in. God doesn't waste our circumstances - He uses them.

Some of you may be thinking "But preacher, my situation is so messy. You don't understand what I'm dealing with." You're right, I may not understand your specific situation. But God does. And the same God who gave Paul wisdom for all these complicated scenarios in Corinth can give you wisdom for your situation too.

Bloom where you are planted. Trust God where you are. Serve Him faithfully in whatever calling He's placed you in. That's not always easy, but it's always right.

Let's pray.